


She

by ProdBySarc (SarcasmsProductions)



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Beast Boy POV, F/M, Masturbation, Post-Canon, Reflection, Shyness, Songfic, Stalking, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 04:31:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasmsProductions/pseuds/ProdBySarc
Summary: Okay guys, so just a quick question – and don’t overreact – but, um…is there such a thing as a healthy obsession? I mean, does it exist? Can I – I mean – can anyone be obsessed with someone in a totally normal, non-stalker, not crazy way? Or does “obsession” automatically mean that you’re crazy and need to get some professional help?





	She

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: “She” was written and recorded by Tyler Okomna (Tyler, The Creator) and appears on the album “Goblin” which was released in April 2011, an XL Recordings production.  
And I don’t own Teen Titans. This much should be very obvious.  
P.S: If you don’t listen to Tyler, The Creator….wyd?  
(Old fic from FF.net, migrating here. Might write an unofficial sequel)

_She_

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Okay guys, so just a quick question – and don’t overreact – but, um…is there such a thing as a healthy obsession? I mean, does it exist? Can I – I mean – can anyone be obsessed with someone in a totally normal, non-stalker, not crazy way? Or does “obsession” automatically mean that you’re crazy and need to get some professional help?

Where is this question coming from? Uh…nowhere. Not like I’m infatuated with anyone, and if I _was_ then it definitely wouldn’t be anyone on the team. I mean, c’mon. No way I have an obsession with Raven. _No way._ I mean, I don’t stalk her. I don’t sneak into her room and watch silently while she sleeps. I – I don’t turn into a spider and sit in the corner of the bathroom while she showers. I don’t observe her silhouette through the curtain and imagine that I’m in the shower with her. I don’t watch when she gets out soaking wet, with her hair plastered to her face and droplets of water running down her body. I mean, that’s crazy. It’s unhealthy and…

God, I need help.

I never meant for it to go this far. Never. I just…there’s something about Raven that drives me crazy. Not literally – I don’t think I’m crazy, not clinically – but she makes me do crazy things. Things that I would never ever think to do. I’m a superhero dammit, and superheroes aren’t supposed to stalk their teammates because they have a crush on them. If you had asked me when the Titans first came together whether I’d be bold enough to watch Raven cleanse herself, I would’ve told you that you were bat-shit insane. But ever since Cy and I accidentally got trapped in her mind and I found out that Raven didn’t hate me, things were different. She was nicer to me and I wasn’t so afraid of her.

It was almost like we started acting like friends instead of roommates. A little more interaction – by choice, not by force – but not a lot. Raven still liked to keep to herself with her meditating and stuff. Which, after realizing that in order to keep her emotions from taking over and causing chaos she needed to meditate, I understood. And then, came the Malchior disaster. I still hate that guy. Dude was an asshole and a total prick for just using Raven like that. I mean, he was everything she ever wanted. He understood her better than anyone on the team and I guess to Raven it seemed like he truly liked her for her personality. And Raven liked him because he was like the perfect guy to her – or, he acted like it. Then he betrayed her trust, he stabbed her in the back, he…

I fucking _hate_ that guy. He broke her, man.

I’d seen Rae in pain before – pain from battles – and while it did upset me to see her physically hurting I always got over it because I knew whatever injuries she had would heal and she would be just like new. But to see her actually in pain from her feelings, that hurt way more. I mean, if you break your arm, it’ll hurt for a while but it’ll get better; and one day you might think about it and laugh because you can’t believe you hurt yourself behind doing something stupid. But if you get your heart broken, yeah, you eventually get over it and act like your old self again, but – speaking from experience – you can think about it and it ruin your mood, or even your day. For the longest, we all saw how Raven tried to act normal and how she tried to get back to her routine; but if someone brought Jackass up, I could tell that it put her in a bad mood.

I was brave enough to try and console her, even though I knew she hated being bothered while upset, and once her door opened I stuttered like an idiot. I’d half expected her to slam the door in my face, but she hugged me. She _hugged_ me. A real hug. Not just some side-hug or halfhearted embrace, this was the real deal. She threw herself into my arms. And our small, still slightly rocky friendship kinda stabilized.

And then, the whole Adonis situation happened. The beast in me came out. I blacked out a lot. My teammates were convincing me that _I_ was the one hurting Raven. Robin was ready to have me arrested and thrown into jail because I could not remember for the life of me what the hell happened after all those times I lost my temper. And then Raven, even after I was a dick to her, vouched for me. She could’ve very easily stayed mad at me. But she didn’t. And then she was kind enough to help me somewhat figure myself out after the fact. The friendship bridge got stronger.

But of course, how could I forget the person that almost seemed to drive Raven and I apart: Terra. I can’t say that I’m completely over her, but she doesn’t appear in my every thought like she used to. And, I don’t hate her for choosing to ally with Slade over us, over _me_. I can’t. After all, how could I expect her to love and fully understand me when she didn’t love and fully understand herself? I’m not making excuses for her, I know deep down that she did us dirty right up until the point where she sacrificed herself to destroy Slade, but it’s impossible to feel a certain way about someone else when you don’t feel that same way about yourself. I have no ill or hard feelings toward Terra. I just…moved on – or am trying to anyway. Terra almost tore apart Raven and I’s friendship. It wasn’t her fault, the blame was more so on Rae and I. Honestly, I though the bridge of our friendship had been burned with us standing on either side of it; but thankfully I was wrong. It took a while for our relationship to get back to normal, but it got there.

You’re probably wondering what this has to do with me being obsessed with Raven. Well, the more we grew in our friendship, the more I started to like her. I mean, how can I not develop feelings for her? She’s hot, she always has my back, she seemed about as upset about Terra as I was about Malchior; what’s not to like? However, while I knew for a fact that I had feelings for Rae, I was completely in the dark with whether she was feeling me or not. It goes back to what I said with Terra and how I can’t expect anyone to love me when they can’t even love themself; but I’m not sure how Raven feels about herself. I mean, of course she has to at least _like_ herself after realizing that she was much more than just a portal to the alleged “End of the World”. But I don’t know if she likes herself as much as I like her.

Of course, because I _don’t_ know how she feels, I’m afraid to ask her out or tell her how I feel. I feared rejection, so I never even asked her if she wanted to hang out more just so that I could spend more time with her. So I started to take things into my own hands. Some nights I’ll transform into a fly and travel through the vents until I was overlooking her room and gazing at her while she slept. Sometimes I’d stay there for a few minutes, sometimes a few hours, sometimes all night. Bold, I know. If she ever catches me I’m sure she’ll kill me, but I can’t help it.

Watching her sleep was intentional. But watching her in the shower was a complete accident.

I have this bad habit of going into the bathroom and forgetting to lock the door so that my teammates know it’s occupied, and one time I just finished using the restroom and Raven came in. Instead of just apologizing for not locking the door, washing my hands, and stepping out like a smart person; my dumbass decides to hide. I transformed into a spider and crawled over to the corner before she could see me, and I hid, thinking that she was just going to use the restroom and leave. But no, she stripped – right in front of me – and got in the shower. I was stuck. If I left, she would hear the door open and close and most likely get out of the shower to see what was going on. And, I mean, I kinda didn’t wanna leave once I saw what she was doing.

Don’t gimme that look. I’m a guy. A sexually mature guy. Of course I’m gonna watch. And wish I was in the shower with her. And beat off to it once I was in the privacy of my own room.

My preoccupation with Raven isn’t driven by insanity. I’m _not_ crazy. I’m just really attracted to her and too afraid to tell her. As a result, I do things to spend more time with her without her knowing or getting suspicious.

That ain’t crazy.

…Right?

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End file.
